INT. OFFICE – DAY
DPC: Hey, Jefe?
JEFE: (typing intently, not looking away from computer screen) Yeah.
DPC: The omnibus.
JEFE: What about it?
DPC: (beat) It comes out tomorrow.
JEFE: (blinks at DPC, because this is terribly obvious) I know that, CAPS.
DPC: Ten years!
DPC: (imitating Jeremy Piven in Grosse Pointe Blank) TEN YEARS! TEN!
(DPC slumps at her desk, scrolls through BRENT WEEKS website)
DPC: We’ve been talking about it a LOT. Like, A LOT A LOT. For months.
JEFE: Your profundity knows no bounds, CAPSLOCK.
DPC: So, um, I just realized something.
(JEFE stops typing and sighs.)
DPC: Like two weeks ago I scheduled a post to go live, thinking we would say, you know, OMG THE NAT OMNI IS HERE Y’ALL IT’S RAINING CONFETTI IN THE STREETS AAAHHHH (CAPSLOCK shakes her head and waggles her arms in a pitiful imitation of Kermit the Frog).
JEFE: I mean, that’s one way to go.
DPC: And then we opened the webstore.
JEFE: I remember… Listen, are you going somewhere with this? Because I have characters to kill off, here. (gestures to his computer screen)
DPC: I got really busy, Jefe.
(JEFE raises an eyebrow and stares at CAPSLOCK for a moment.)
DPC: Soooooo busy.
JEFE: There’s no post, is there?
DPC: There’s a post! There’s TOTALLY a post! (beat) There’s just… no words in the post.
JEFE: Just write the post, CAPS. (JEFE mutters something about why he pays for an assistant)
HAPPY BOOK RELEASE DAY, EVERYBODY!
We’ve waited TEN YEARS (and two months) for this beauty to be unleashed upon the world, and it’s here! Check your mailboxes today for that pre-ordered copy printed and bound just for you!
You didn’t pre-order a copy?
Shame on you.
Go buy one now!
The Signed Page
Barnes & Noble